MW once again
Sunday, January 17th, 2010 09:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ginger_janeThe differences in world perception, motivation and attitude to life cause misunderstandings and problems in relationships. They are said to be as different as beings from other planets, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, according to the book.
The point system is of special interest here:
Gray suggests that men and women count (or score) the giving and receiving of love differently. Men tend to give larger blocks of points (20, 30, 40 points etc.) for what they think are Big Acts, while women give each act of love one point at a time.
According to Gray, women tend to keep a Points System that few men are aware of.
Men and women each monitor the amount of give and take in a relationship and if the balance becomes off and one person feels they have given more than they have been given to, resentment flu develops. This is a time when communication is very important to help bring the relationship back into balance.
Example: A man might count a $200 present as 20 points and helping her to carry a heavy bag as 1 point (or he may not even assign any point to the latter), but a woman may count these acts as only 1 point each.
For her, the total sum of points comes from different aspects. For example: - the different parts of the environment where the present is given each get 1 point (candles, music, privacy, location etc.) - the card gets 1 point, - flowers get 1 point, - if he tells her "I love you" in the morning it is 1 point, - if he sincerely takes a moment to notice her and tells her "You look beautiful" in the evening it is 1 point, - if he hugs her, it is 1 point, - the gift itself gets 1 point.
Men and women are often surprised to find the scoring method is different. Most men are not even aware that all women "keep score".
The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks his work has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly.
Men tend to think they can do one Big Thing for her (scoring 50 points) and not do anything else. They assume the woman will be satisfied with it.
To the woman, she would rather have many many Little Acts on a regular basis. The reason is that women like to think their man is thinking of them and cares for them on a regular basis.
Read more in Russian
The point system is of special interest here:
Gray suggests that men and women count (or score) the giving and receiving of love differently. Men tend to give larger blocks of points (20, 30, 40 points etc.) for what they think are Big Acts, while women give each act of love one point at a time.
According to Gray, women tend to keep a Points System that few men are aware of.
Men and women each monitor the amount of give and take in a relationship and if the balance becomes off and one person feels they have given more than they have been given to, resentment flu develops. This is a time when communication is very important to help bring the relationship back into balance.
Example: A man might count a $200 present as 20 points and helping her to carry a heavy bag as 1 point (or he may not even assign any point to the latter), but a woman may count these acts as only 1 point each.
For her, the total sum of points comes from different aspects. For example: - the different parts of the environment where the present is given each get 1 point (candles, music, privacy, location etc.) - the card gets 1 point, - flowers get 1 point, - if he tells her "I love you" in the morning it is 1 point, - if he sincerely takes a moment to notice her and tells her "You look beautiful" in the evening it is 1 point, - if he hugs her, it is 1 point, - the gift itself gets 1 point.
Men and women are often surprised to find the scoring method is different. Most men are not even aware that all women "keep score".
The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks his work has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly.
Men tend to think they can do one Big Thing for her (scoring 50 points) and not do anything else. They assume the woman will be satisfied with it.
To the woman, she would rather have many many Little Acts on a regular basis. The reason is that women like to think their man is thinking of them and cares for them on a regular basis.
Read more in Russian
